In a few years as a criminal defense attorney, I’ve represented hundreds of people in various stages of crisis and recovery. Over that time, I’ve worked with dozens of families to help them figure out the boundaries between being supportive and enabling. While some of this is specific to people recovering from addictions, much of it applies to anybody who is having a difficult time, whether they are working through post traumatic stress, depression, addiction, or any other mental illness. What all of these things have in common is that a person develops behaviors to cope with a bad situation that become problematic when the person returns to a healthy environment (or gets into a healthy environment for the first time.)
Archives for March 2014
The alternative title for this post is “Personal Accessibility 101.”
This is about how to make yourself more accessible to people who have invisible challenges (or full-blown disabilities), who may function well in an environment they have some control over, but would need to expend an excessive amount of energy in an environment that is not well-suited to their needs. This is about creating a communication and social interactions paradigm that is sustainable and adds energy, instead of being draining and challenging.
“The things about people that drive us crazy, are the things that are keeping them sane.” – Eugene Kennedy and Sara Charles in their book, On Becoming a Counselor.
Back in 2010, I was attended a symposium at Tufts University entitled “Morality and the Mind,” a symposium that brought scientists of cognition into the same room with policy people, in an effort to set up a dialog on what science has to say about morality. One of the speakers there made a remark that has kind of stuck with me. He complained of a “creeping dualism” that causes people to say very strange things such as “my brain made me do it.” He noted the obvious problem with this statement: “There ain’t nobody in here but us chickens.” He has a point, and it’s a good one. If you take away my brain, there’s no “me” there to talk about, so pretending that I would behave differently if I had a different brain doesn’t make any sense. If I had a different brain, I wouldn’t be me at all. [Read more…] about My Mind-body Dragon
Part 5 of the safe, sane and consensual relationships series.
None of what we’ve written in this series is going to alleviate short-term loneliness, and it’s not meant to pass any judgment on short-term arrangements or purely-sexual hookups. On the other hand, if you are looking for a long-term, reciprocal, head-over-heels-in-love, sexy, and safe relationship with someone who works well for you, (especially if you have trouble imagining anything ever working well for you romantically), consider doing the following tips: [Read more…] about Winning at Relationships
Guest post by Tony Dalton, who is open to questions and comments on twitter: @_daltony. Tony is continuing to interview polymaths, please get in touch with him if interested.
In the last 6 weeks, I’ve interviewed 10 scanners about their life experiences, particularly with their professional goals. Scanners are people who have many interests and ideas, but struggle to choose just one pursuit. During the interview process, I began to see correlations between these innovators’ challenges, goals, and success strategies, despite their numerous differences. [Read more…] about Lessons from Polymath Interviews
Part 4 of the safe, sane and consensual relationships series.
Here are some of the best strategies we have figured out over the years for making the dating process and early stages of a relationship smoother. [Read more…] about 10 Best Defense Strategies